Its been a little over a month since I started my 101 so here's where i'm at now :)

Key: 
Yet to be accomplished
Completed
In Progress

101 List

++Social
1) Make at least 5 true college friends.
2) Get some of the girls together, dress up, and go to a truly swanky place.
3) Join a club/society/sorority.
4) Buy each of my closest friends (NOT the friends I feel I "owe" something to) a really great gift.
5) Make holiday cards for different holidays in different years, as in, not JUST Christmas or JUST Valentines day. (0/8)
6) Have more meaningful conversations with my mom. (0/3)
7) Plan/execute a trip with 3 good friends. Must be a trip of at least 2 days or 150 mi.

++Organization
8) Keep all receipts for a year and change budget for the next year accordingly.
9) Organize the apartment and make it feel like a home.
10) Go through files on my computer and really purge/organize the files, pics, etc.
11) Develop a good system for storing important documents.

++Personal
12) Read 101 books, including:
Classics (0/15)
Non fiction (0/10)
Historical (0/5)
Fantasy (0/10)
Biographical (0/2)

All others or extras that fall into the categories above (0/59)

13) Watch 101 movies, including:
Film Noir (0/5)
Historical (0/5)
Sci Fi (0/5)
Scary (0/2)
Top Grossing movies of all time (0/3)
Foreign films (0/10)
Silent (0/1)

All others or extras that fall into the categories above. (3/70)
- The Proposal = Dec 29th, 2009
- Public Enemies = Jan 6th, 2010
- Men Who Stare at Goats = Jan 14th, 2010

14) Keep a paper journal for 3 months. (0/3)
15) Get a good boyfriend [marriage material].
16) Join a choral group, be a singer in a band, or do another musical.
17) After completing the 101 challenge, reflect on what challenges were most beneficial to me, which ones i enjoyed most, which ones were hardest/i would never do again, and create another 101 list.
18) Switch to a grown up phone carrier or get on virgin mobile's contract plan.
19) Take up a life long hobby.
20) Get and keep a pen pal for a year.
21) Hollow out a book.
22) Kiss a sailor or a marine.
23) Attend a wedding.
24) Volunteer 50 times. (0/50)
25) Get 2 Piercings (0/2)
Bonus: Purchase a thong

++Future Planning
26) Inquire about and start a Roth IRA or inquire about and start a CD
27) Really learn the ins and outs of my bank
28) Create a savings fund and save up 2,500 dollars.
29) Budget money for down payment on a car
30) Get a fire proof lock box
31) Ask around to the people i know about who would be comfortable being a reference for me on job applications
32) Understand and create a plan for paying back my student loans
33) Get my passport
34) TBA

++Life Skills
35) Take self defense or martial arts class
36) Take a meditation, yoga, or tai chi class
37) Learn how to build a resume
38) Learn the ins and outs of running a household
39) Understand the contract for my apartment
40) Become proficient at filing the FAFSA
41) Really check into how my taxes are filed
42) Learn to online shop
43)
44)

++Purchases
45) A legitimate Cellular Phone
46) Digital camera
47) Car
48) Clothing that builds a more adult and business friendly wardrobe
49) A spa day with a friend
50) A laptop
51) More board games/card games (0/10)
52) Speakers for my computer/laptop
53) IPod
54) Big girl purse [Either a big designer name or a purse costing more than $70]
55) An impulse buy of more than 25 dollars.
56) An APA student account
57) A good stationary set
58) "Wreck this Journal"


++Health and Beauty
59) Go to the spa
60) Use a good foot and face cream for 3 months (0/3)
61) Work out 4 days a week for 4 months [cardio, toning, classes, etc] (0/4)
62) No pop for 2 months (0/2)
63) Get a manicure 4 times in 12 months (0/4)
64) Wax eye brows
65) Get hair cut to a style or get extensions
66) Buy a set of free weights and an exercise dvd
67) Have a power down day every 2 months [no tv, no movies, no comp except for homework and check school emails, etc]
68) No cigs for 3 months (0/3)
69) Stop swearing
70) Become comfortable in a bathing suit
71)
72)

++Misc
72) Fung Shui a room.
73) Photo document an entire week and use at least 700 photo's.
74) Make a new years resolution and keep it for the whole year.
75) Get back into daily gratitude's for 4 weeks.(0/4)
76) Turn 7 people on to 101 in 1001. (1/7)
~A.N.D.
77) Have a ME ME ME day every 2 months.
78) Ride a bus to somewhere I don't know, spend an hour there, photo document it, wave to 5 people there, make acquaintances with someone there, leave a love letter in a tree there, and sing amazing grace in FRENCH there.
79) Go some where by my self where no one knows who i am and write about the experience.
80) Start a collection.
81) Mail a post card to:
Some one i know
Some one i don't know who's address i looked up in a phone book
A family member
My self
82) Write my deepest darkest secret and leave it in the woods somewhere.
83) Visit an old worn away grave and leave flowers.
84) Spend an entire day in meditation and prayer.
85) Jog an entire mile.
86) Donate $100 to a charity.
87) Leave secrets in 5 post secrets book in 5 different bookstores. (0/5)
88) Complete 4 goals in one week.
89) Geo-cache.
90) Go on a date.
91) Subscribe to a magazine.
92) See/touch an ocean.
93) Create a family seal
94) Determine second major or minor(s)
95) Line up plans for after graduation
96)
97)
98)
99)
100)
101)

Things i need to get done:
- email resumé services
- keep looking for my debit card
- make new friends
- go over notes and stay motivated.

Ive been so down lately because i feel like i have no friends here.  I forgot how tough it was first semester.  I cant drop the ball like i did last year but...its tough.  And now that my phone is down i feel like i have no attachment to my friends from home.  Ive been smoking a lot more which is HORRIBLE.  I'll never be fully ok with it.  This semester has to be amazing.  I must stay focused.  I need to pray more DEFINITELY.  Im such a people oriented person (even though i complain about not having my space all the timeee) that when i dont have friends around me, i get thrown off my axis.  I know that im never alone with God and all that...but there's something to be said for physical contact.  I guess this is just going to have to be a semester of solitude :(  My biggest goal is keeping the grades up...thats priority one.  This is going to sound a lil conceited but, I think, given time and my outgoing personality...new friends will come.  If it takes a while, then it takes awhile.  

 

Ok time to shower, orgainize, read and sleep.  Its been a relax filled day. 

Back at school and ready to use this semester to prove my worth.  PISSED that i work at 10am tomorrow but i guess i gotta make that monayy.  Im really sad and bored. I mean, its nice to have a room to myself but it gives me a little tooooo much time to think :(  I  have no idea what im going to do about food tomorrow...yeah..   I really really would like a cig right now but none are available AND i dont have an id to get them anyways.  Perhaps ill call someone in a bit to hang out or somethinggg.  I really hope this semester is a good one. NO money issues. NO academic issues. NO work issues. NO drinking drama... or other drama for that matter.  But we'll see. 

1) Apply for at least 30 scholarships (0/30) and get at least 3 (0/3)
2) Take my dog for a walk as much as possible in the summer
3) Interview each of my family members about their lives
4) Prepair a whole dinner for my family by my self
5) Do some really nice unexpected things for my friends and document it

6) Successfully complete a Project 365
7) Visit my grandma Elenor
8) Visit my brother Scott
9) Visit my dad's grave
10) Read 100 books (0/100)

11) Watch 100 movies (0/100)
12) Keep a paper journal for 3 months (0/3)
13) Write letters to my friends at college
14) Pay off my credit cards
15) Go on another "Care Break" (Proceeding Texas)

16) Try to develop a more professional wordrobe
17) Buy a new lap top
18) Have a yard sale
19) Make my new apartment feel homey
20) Clean the house for my mom

21) Go to New York City again
22) Get my license
23) Get a car
24) Become proficient at playing Guitar Hero on hard
25) Lose 30 pounds

26) Jog/Run 2 miles consecutively
27) Walk 10 miles consecutively
28) Pay for a random person's dinner
29) Tell someone how i really feel about them
30) Line dry my clothes in the summer (0/3)

31) Own 5 Victoria's Secret bras (0/5)
32) Get a claddagh ring thats especially nice
33) Fall in love
34) Apply to grad school
35) Make attempts to write a book

36) Learn sign language
37) Avoid fast food for a whole months (anything with a drive through)   (0/1)
38) Quit smoking for 3 consecutive months (0/3)
39) Make a recipe book of my family favorites
40) Make detailed photo albums of friends and family

41) Buy a nice present for one of my friends without letting them know it was from me (0/1)
42) Buy a new TV
43) Save 2,000 dollars
44) Put money in a CD
45) Pick one new band or artist to listen to each month

46) Go to 10 concerts (0/10)
47) Ride a hores
48) Plant a garden, even if it isnt for me
49) Come up with vollunteering ideas for Social Work Club
50) Get a 4.0 at least once while at SRU

51) Knit or Crochet a blanket
52) Make a drastic change to my hair [ cut, die, or extentions]
53) Play an intramural sport
54) Buy a new bicycle
55) Write a letter to at least 1 former teacher of mine (0/1)

56) Go to the beach
57) Visit a museum
58) Contact a major company and tell them my ideas
59) Buy  $100 of cratch off tickets all at once and have a plan for what the winnings go toward
60) Donate blood as much as possible before I get a tattoo (if i get a tattoo)

61) Ask several people what impact ive made on their life and document it
62) Read the Bible, interpret it, and make a list of questions to be asked
63) Make a time capsule with someone
64) Go canoeing
65) Catch fish with my grampa

66) Pray for someone out loud that needs it
67) Go to canada again [get a passport]
68) Build a puzzle thats 1,000 pieces or more
69) Buy a vest and snow suit
70) Work out 3 times a week during school and keep track of it

71) Write letters to people on their birthday
72) Donate money to a charity
73) Buy 10 DVD's (0/10)
74) Go to the movies alone
75) Subscribe to a magazine thats non typical [no cosmo, etc]

76) Read the newspaper every day for 1 month and clip out articles (0/1)
77) Read my horoscope for 1 straight week (0/7)
78) Take a bus trip
79) No pop for a month (0/30)
80) Take a bubble bath or stay in all day reading a book

81) Visit youngstown, westminster, calu, and lock haven
82)
83)
84)
85)

86)
87)
88)
89)
90)

91)
92)
93)
94)
95)

96)
97)
98)
99)
100)

101)

Ok so here goes nothing...i'm attempting to learn lj cuts because i WANNA FREAKIN UNDERSTAND THEM.  so we're going to see how this works out, k!?!


( Practice cut, my 101... )

I just happened upon Mission101 and I'm in love with the idea. The premise is:

The Mission: Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria: Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on your part).

Cross them off as you do them, and add the dates. Include the date you started the list and the finishing date.

http://community.livejournal.com/mission101/profile

So, i'm very excited to start this mission. Here's goes nothing!!
Start date: Dec 28, 2009
End date: Sept 24, 2012

101 List

++Social
1) Make at least 5 true college friends.
2) Get some of the girls together, dress up, and go to a truly swanky place.
3) Join a club/society/sorority.
4) Buy each of my closest friends (NOT the friends I feel I "owe" something to) a really great gift.
5) Make holiday cards for different holidays in different years, as in, not JUST Christmas or JUST Valentines day. (0/8)
6) Have more meaningful conversations with my mom. (0/3)
7) Plan/execute a trip with 3 good friends. Must be a trip of at least 2 days or 150 mi.

++Organization
8) Keep all receipts for a year and change budget for the next year accordingly.
9) Organize the apartment and make it feel like a home.
10) Go through files on my computer and really purge/organize the files, pics, etc.
11) Develop a good system for storing important documents.

++Personal
12) Read 101 books, including:
Classics (0/15)
Non fiction (0/10)
Historical (0/5)
Fantasy (0/10)
Biographical (0/2)

All others or extras that fall into the categories above (0/59)

13) Watch 101 movies, including:
Film Noir (0/5)
Historical (0/5)
Sci Fi (0/5)
Scary (0/2)
Top Grossing movies of all time (0/3)
Foreign films (0/10)
Silent (0/1)

All others or extras that fall into the categories above. (3/70)
- The Proposal = Dec 29th, 2009
- Public Enemies = Jan 6th, 2010
- Men Who Stare at Goats = Jan 14th, 2010

14) Keep a paper journal for 3 months. (0/3)
15) Get a good boyfriend [marriage material].
16) Join a choral group, be a singer in a band, or do another musical.
17) After completing the 101 challenge, reflect on what challenges were most beneficial to me, which ones i enjoyed most, which ones were hardest/i would never do again, and create another 101 list.
18) Switch to a grown up phone carrier or get on virgin mobile's contract plan.
19) Take up a life long hobby.
20) Get and keep a pen pal for a year.
21) Hollow out a book.
22) Kiss a sailor or a marine.
23) Attend a wedding.
24) Volunteer 50 times. (0/50)
25) Get 2 Piercings (0/2)
Bonus: Purchase a thong

++Future Planning
26) Inquire about and start a Roth IRA or inquire about and start a CD
27) Really learn the ins and outs of my bank
28) Create a savings fund and save up 2,500 dollars.
29) Budget money for down payment on a car
30) Get a fire proof lock box
31) Ask around to the people i know about who would be comfortable being a reference for me on job applications
32) Understand and create a plan for paying back my student loans
33) Get my passport
34) TBA

++Life Skills
35) Take self defense or martial arts class
36) Take a meditation, yoga, or tai chi class
37) Learn how to build a resume
38) Learn the ins and outs of running a household
39) Understand the contract for my apartment
40) Become proficient at filing the FAFSA
41) Really check into how my taxes are filed
42) Learn to online shop
43)
44)

++Purchases
45) A legitimate Cellular Phone
46) Digital camera
47) Car
48) Clothing that builds a more adult and business friendly wardrobe
49) A spa day with a friend
50) A laptop
51) More board games/card games (0/10)
52) Speakers for my computer/laptop
53) IPod
54) Big girl purse [Either a big designer name or a purse costing more than $70]
55) An impulse buy of more than 25 dollars.
56) An APA student account
57) A good stationary set
58) "Wreck this Journal"


++Health and Beauty
59) Go to the spa
60) Use a good foot and face cream for 3 months (0/3)
61) Work out 4 days a week for 4 months [cardio, toning, classes, etc] (0/4)
62) No pop for 2 months (0/2)
63) Get a manicure 4 times in 12 months (0/4)
64) Wax eye brows
65) Get hair cut to a style or get extensions
66) Buy a set of free weights and an exercise dvd
67) Have a power down day every 2 months [no tv, no movies, no comp except for homework and check school emails, etc]
68) No cigs for 3 months (0/3)
69) Stop swearing
70) Become comfortable in a bathing suit
71)
72)

++Misc
72) Fung Shui a room.
73) Photo document an entire week and use at least 700 photo's.
74) Make a new years resolution and keep it for the whole year.
75) Get back into daily gratitude's for 4 weeks.(0/4)
76) Turn 7 people on to 101 in 1001. (1/7)
~A.N.D.
77) Have a ME ME ME day every 2 months.
78) Ride a bus to somewhere I don't know, spend an hour there, photo document it, wave to 5 people there, make acquaintances with someone there, leave a love letter in a tree there, and sing amazing grace in FRENCH there.
79) Go some where by my self where no one knows who i am and write about the experience.
80) Start a collection.
81) Mail a post card to:
Some one i know
Some one i don't know who's address i looked up in a phone book
A family member
My self
82) Write my deepest darkest secret and leave it in the woods somewhere.
83) Visit an old worn away grave and leave flowers.
84) Spend an entire day in meditation and prayer.
85) Jog an entire mile.
86) Donate $100 to a charity.
87) Leave secrets in 5 post secrets book in 5 different bookstores. (0/5)
88) Complete 4 goals in one week.
89) Geo-cache.
90) Go on a date.
91) Subscribe to a magazine.
92) See/touch an ocean.
93) Create a family seal
94) Determine second major or minor(s)
95) Line up plans for after graduation
96)
97)
98)
99)
100)
101)

This past semester was ok. Grade wise it was GREATTTTTT but i had another dance with finaid, and a few bad drinking experiences. I did accomplish many of my goals for last semester so I'm looking to do even better next semester. So here are some goals that im going to strive for.

1) Do my job a lil better. Some times i find my self getting lazy and cutting corners; I dont want that any more. I know that every one gets an off day every once in a while but i just want to perform at an over all better level.
2) KEEP THOSE GRADES UP! Im so proud of my self that i pulled much better grades than i did last spring. I dont want to lose steam now. I think that i'll be able to do well in my psych classes im kinda worried about world religions and social work...in general im worried about books. So, if i could bust out some straight A's that would be FABULOUS. I might as well strive for greatness so this semester's goal for grades is STRAIGHT A's.
3) Not necessarily party less but have more productive partying. I.E. dont drink. I suck at drinking anyways. I'd rather just go to a party and watch others drink and not get drunk....cause i FREAKIN HATE PUKINGGGGGGGGGGG.
4) Keep up with friends...
5) REALLY start reading again. I wanna do phenomenally this semester with grades. But i need to add to my worldly repertoire too. I need to read and catch up on all the classics and such that i've missed out on, as well as contemporary authors. I'd like to read at least a book a month but hopefully more.
6) Not get so easily offended!!!! That was kind of a goal that i let fall by the way side last semester but seriously...i get ridiculous sometimes. I'm not saying that i want to let people walk all over me, i just dont wanna let it get to me. Anger is a distraction and i cant afford any distractions from here on in. I still havent figured out quite how to deal with being offended but i will develop a plan and stick to it. I have to become stronger.
7) Avoid another finaid fiasco. Nuff said.

I just want next semester to go well. I know im gunna run into road blocks but...i think these goals will help me stay on track and get where i wanna go.

- Beuchner money (find checks) and papers
- STUDY
- Pack
- Say bye to people...maybe
- Get organized for next semester
- Buy stuff for next sem.
- sort through the basement
- Talk to kera
- Destress

OK...so I've been feeling like I'm a follower lately. And that I am an under-motivated unappreciative lazy ass who needs to do better all around so here's the new plan:

Every week I will rotate subjects to look into. It will be between Psychology, Religions, and Physics (in the manor that it has been recently applied to my life). This will all be interspersed with periodical mental down time, reading leisurely, discussions, and a notebook (notepad, what-have-you) of questions raised or thoughts that occur through the course of my research. This is all necessary because its time for me to stop SAYING that I'm [[going]] to get better and actually DO it. Its time i put all the technology and things available to me to good use and stop being one of the stereotypical youth. As time goes on, this plan maybe modified to better change or suit time constraints or growing interest in one particular field but we'll use this first plan as the jumping off point. I ask the Lord's guidance as i attempt to use my brain to a much fuller extent than i have been and i ask for motivation and drive to not give up...to work through the boredom and the frustration in an effort to better understand things.

Since i have my eastern religions book here, it looks like I'll be starting with religions. Deep breath, and begin.

--I think i may have just had an extremely mild panic attack
--Smoking = death
--Im sad that Rick might die soon
--I dont know that i'm handling my life very well right now
--I've gained a lot of new knowledge in the last few days but i'm having trouble processing it
--I still feel like an absolute follower.
--MOTIVATION NEEDS TO HAPPEN
--I'll always hold a candle.

What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Not whine and b*tch, actually get stuff done.

Did you keep new year's resolutions and will you make more next year?
If i did make any resolutions, i dont remember them.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
nope...well, my cousin but we're not all that close, we just happen to be related.

Did anyone close to you die?
no, thank the Lord.

What countries did you visit?
none :(

What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
NO FINANCIAL AID DRAMA
A great year of school.
Summer job (maybe a little travel)
License
More quality friends
Become closer with my Mommy
A good boyfriend (pweeze!!!)
Money.

What dates from 2009 will remain etched in your memory and why?
The end of fall semester
The entire new york trip (in about two weeks)

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
My fall semester grades and understanding more things about E.Religions and Quantum Physics (gah!)

What were your biggest failures this year?
Smoking.
Drinking.
STILL getting worked up about stupid stuff.
Not having a boyfriend
Not driving
Bad semester last spring


Did you suffer illness or injury?
no, and with any luck i never will.

What was the best thing you bought?
winter boots?

Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Mine ;)

What did you spend most of your spare cash on?
Food...cause im a fatty (that sounds really self deprecating but i call em like i see em). Girly stuff for my new fem(ish) look. Friends.

What did you get really, really excited about?
Friends, talking to my mom, my good fall semester, new york.

What song will always remind you of 2009?
um...none really.

Compared to this time last year are you happier or sadder?
Id say, with some confidence, happier. And much wiser for the wear.

Thinner or fatter?
Fatter.

Richer or poorer?
Same.

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Being frugal, losing weight, NOT getting worked up over every little thing. Being feminine.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Goal accomplishing, self maintenance.

Did you fall in love in 2009?
no :( thanks for bringing it up.

How many one-night-stands?
HAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH. I may seem like it but i'm NOT a hoe fo sho.

What was your favorite TV programme?
GILMORE GIRLSSSSSSSSSSS.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
ABSOFREAKINLUTELY. its unfortunate but the truth.

What was the last book you read?
finished? none. started? crime and punishment.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
no idea, but i have listened to a lot of new songs i really dig right now.

What did you want and get?
a better fall semester.

What did you want and not get?
boyf, thinness, money.

What was your favourite film this year?
pfft.

What did you do on your birthday and how old are you?
surprise party <3

What one thing would've made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
being skinny and in love.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Beginning = same ol sloppy tshirt, gross hair, careless shopping. End = beginnings of an adult wardrobe, make up!, cuter shoes, hair care.

What kept you sane?
The Lord, and my friends, AND MY ADVISER.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Dalai lama.

What political issue has stirred you the most?
Not many political issues. though, this whole health care thing is starting to creep into my consciousness. I've been more on the scientific/religious kick.

Who did you miss?
Mike, amy, and at points God.

Who was the best new person you met this year?
Olivia.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
STOP BITCHING AND DO THE WORK, IT WILL PAY OFF. And of course, dont doubt God or try to go around Him.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
hmm, just off the top of my head?

"God is able to do just what he said he will do.
He's gonna fulfill every promise to you.
Dont give up on God and he wont give up on you,
He's able."

-Such a good convo with cory, sara, and mike
-Got to spend a full day with mike...just the two of us :)
-Really started thinking about things like other dimensions and the universe and such.
-Getting back into eastern religions
-New York is coming up
-Dressed REALLY cute today and felt pretty confident
-Got texting back!
-Bed at home is comfy for once
-All of my friends will be home at the end of the week (and a few people im not especially excited to see but you have to take the good with the bad.


All in all, nothing too horrible has happened since being home. I still have some things to get done and organizing to do. FAFSA is coming up, beuchner stuff, grades coming out, but I think i'll be able to keep my head above water. I DEF need to take time out an pray soon (and meditate). Time to do all the night time stuff and head to bed. Night internet!

I've been really self centered lately, its time to pause and remember what i'm thankful for.
- FRIENDS
- the mind i do have
- neo classical music esp Myleene Klass.
- Rachelle calling me ;)
- My group's presentation going well today and kinda comming out of it with some friends.
- Getting to talk about (fan girl style) Prof. Bache
- Tao Te Ching <3
- The body i do have. Im not amazing but i'm also not completely unfortunate.
- Talking to mike
- Mormons out of the blue
- Not being completely over it...it being a relationship.

// GROUP PRESENTATION
// Work at 3
// Maybe get some studying done
// Pretty nervous
// I hope work isnt irritating since its only two hours
// I PRAY my pay check is as much as i think it is.
// Im too excited to go home soon.
// Need to find something to wear
.. Wish me luck.

// getting dressed
// praying
// hoping this group meeting that i had to get up early for goes well.
// cant wait for Christmas
// i just dunno anymore.

- finally getting the mike situation squashed
- making SOME head way on soc and comm
- this semester coming to a close
- dressing cute the past few days
- new brushes for makeup
- learning about myself and my friends
- reading SLIGHTLY (barely noticeably) more.
- amy
- Christmas cards
- journalsssssssssssssss :)




Need to do's
// PRAY
// Keep studying
// Not lose motivation
// Keep up with mike
// Make sure my friends feel appreciated
// Journal more
// Read more
// Finish out the semester strong
// Remain appreciative of the things i have and love
// Keep questioning and preparing my self for the answers
// PRAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Ok so i know its been a while. HI FLIST! Um...i'm home on break right now and i head back to school around 1230 tomorrow. its been a pretty good break. I got to see just about every one for at least a few hours. I didnt get any hw done but that's kinda not surprising. When i get back to school i need to do sociology, psych, math, and communications. I finally think my issues with mike are resolved. He finally realized that something was wrong and he sincerely apologized to me which really means a lot. I think its going to be rough but if we both try we can work through this weird time that we're in.

I finally had a really good discussion with my mom. We talked for about 2 hour at like 1 am. We didnt fight or bicker or get mean. We really told each other about our lives and we really listened to each other. I think it was a step toward a better relationship.

I feel really bad about this whole lucy situation...i wish that for everyone's sakes, it would just blow over. I hope that lucy gets better. i dont know if she's really suicidal or just unhappy or if shes making the whole thing up but i hope that it gets squashed soon because at this point, its just hurting or annoying all parties involved.

I am still continually thankful for my friends and i always will be. I think sometimes though, I'm too supportive. I mean, like, I say things that are uplifting ALWAYS and i think sometimes people think its fake or like im trying to make every one like me. And thats true, i do wish that every one liked me but thats not why i always say nice things. I honestly just want my friends to know what high regard i hold them in. I never want them to think i take them for granted or that i dont need them around. I just hope that they dont think i'm just trying to be nice all the time.

I smoked a lottttttttt today. (cigs i dont do pot) I dont think i'll ever be ok with me smoking and i really do think that i'm just the kind of person who doesnt like to say no in those types of situations. And i do feel kinda responsible for Olivia smoking. I kinda feel like an outcast if i dont smoke...like, since all of my friends do but i do want to make a better effort to quit. I've done good up until recently but i know i could do better. I need to really reevaluate how important tobacco and nicotine are to me. I think if i found something else to do other than smoke when i join someone for a smoke break. or pick up an idle hobby to do instead of want to buy cigs. Maybe every time i attempt to spend 5.02 on smokes, i'll buy something else instead to show myself the money i could save. Right now im coughing to clear my throat....ugh.

I kinda wish that i wasnt going back to school until later tomorrow but i need to get stuff done too so earlier is prolly better. ughhhh i have stuff to get done.

We had a really good discussion tonight about life and religions and fears and all that. I hope that we get to have more of those...esp with Brandon. Gah, its so weird that i'll always hold a candle for him...i dont know how i feel about that. I wish i got this kind of intellegent discussion at school...its one of the things i miss most about being home. Ive also realized that i want to become the dot...and i hope i always remember what that means. I also hope that all of my friends find what they're looking for. I feel like we're always searching for something...answers to questions and stuff and i feel like we're not going to find all the answers but i do hope we find answers to those questions that are truly important. and i hope that we dont stop searching for answers just because its hard or frustrating because those are the answers most worth finding.

And now for some gratitudes which i wanna get back into because i've really been lax on that (and praying):
- friends
- family
- discussions that feed my mind and soul
- getting stuff off my chest and finally getting this mike situation a bit better handled.
- not hating being home
- my nephew
- my gram
- getting 3 thanksgivings
- sushi
- having money
- dressing up and feeling confident
- a potential internship if i dont blow it.
- talking....REALLY talking to my mom
- lucy being alive...even if shes scorned
- having rides places
- school even though its hard sometimes
- seeing alyse and ashley
- feeling more grown up and adult
- having a phone that has worked for months in succession.
- the cold...even though im a warm weather person
- makeup aka tribal paint
- feeling like a worth while and capable human being.
- getting this group project done sorta


ok. time to read a lil bit...look up some stuff for amy and get to bed.
good night and good luck <3

I forgot about this meme... I think im just going to do it on my facebook instead. Here it is again if anyone else wanted to give it a whirl

The 7 days meme:
Day one • a song
Day two • a picture
Day three • a book/ebook/fanfic
Day four • a site
Day five • a youtube clip
Day six • a quote
Day seven • whatever tickles your fancy